I tried to get together either one or both of my informants yesterday. Given the late notice, they both already had their own plans.
As far as P. is concerned I had offered to take her to the night classes she attends at the high school (she must do this in order to graduate in time). As we continued our conversation through text messaging she then informed me that she was planning on not going to school tonight because her friend was home from college and she wanted to hang out with her. I wondered to myself, "Could I be included in this?" and approached the subject in an indirect, unthreatening way. After a longer pause as I tried to keep up with her fast texting skills, I asked her what they planned on doing. She quickly replied that they would probably just drive around aimlessly. I wrote back mentioning that if there was ever a time that that I could just tag along then to let me know. My hope was that she would invite me then to come along but it was obvious that P. was not going to open that door. Instead she politely replied, "Yeah, when me and D. are hanging out one day I'll let you know."
D. also had her own other plans at that moment so I faced another shut door, yet where one door shuts another opens. D. responded to my interest in trying to spend time with her and she set up something with me for today. Today I will be with D. after she finishes work today and meet her at her house. I have not been able to see her room yet so I am looking forward seeing it, and also to have time alone with her.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Sensitive people may not be cursed, they may be our blessing
Sensitive people may not be cursed,instead they may be our blessing. Why is it that we seem to desire to point our finger at the hurting and just dismiss them as "broken"? Maybe there is something bigger that is causing what appears to be this chain of brokenness we see. If we are willing to look at things differently we may be able to change a life by changing ours. We can change the way we respond to the brokeness.
I found the following on the web.
What We Can Learn About Society
The people who cut and self-injure have the same emotional needs we all do. The problem is that more of their needs are unmet. And they often are people who are more emotionally sensitive than average. This means they feel the pain of the unmet needs more than the average person, just as a person with sensitive hearing feels pain from loud noises.
The people who are more sensitive can tell us what is lacking in society if we will just listen to them. If they tell us they feel over-controlled, then we can look at the ways society is over-controlling in general. None of us like to feel controlled, but for these people the feeling is more painful so they are the first to recognize situations where they are being over-controlled.
There are many ways we could learn about society from sensitive people.
In a classroom of 20 students, for example, there will always be one or two who feel the pain of the teacher's remarks more than the other students. We have a choice on how to handle this pain. We can tell the student that she is too sensitive and needs to get on with things, or we can listen to her and see what the teacher is saying which is causing her pain.
If a child tells us the teacher frightens her, then we can learn from listening to her. Or we can tell her there is no reason to be afraid.
If a boy says he is bored, we can listen to him and try to make the classroom more intellectually challenging. Or we can tell him to stop complaining.
If an adolescent tells us she feels judged by the comments we make about her choice of clothing, we can listen to her and try to be more accepting and less judgmental. Or we can tell her she takes things too personally.
If an adolescent tells us she feels unloved by her parents, we can ask her to explain why and learn from her. Or we can tell her that we are sure her parents do love her, that they mean well and that she should appreciate all the good things they do for her.
In many countries we have an abundance of material things. Our physical needs are well accounted for. But our emotional needs are not. Many of us have unmet emotional needs. But for the most part we are simply unaware of them unless we become severely depressed. Even then we often turn to medication rather than to addressing the shortcomings in society.
By listening to those who are in intense emotional pain, rather than telling them they have a disorder, such as the all-too-popular "Borderline Personality Disorder," we can see what changes are needed in the homes, the schools, and the workplaces.
I found the following on the web.
What We Can Learn About Society
The people who cut and self-injure have the same emotional needs we all do. The problem is that more of their needs are unmet. And they often are people who are more emotionally sensitive than average. This means they feel the pain of the unmet needs more than the average person, just as a person with sensitive hearing feels pain from loud noises.
The people who are more sensitive can tell us what is lacking in society if we will just listen to them. If they tell us they feel over-controlled, then we can look at the ways society is over-controlling in general. None of us like to feel controlled, but for these people the feeling is more painful so they are the first to recognize situations where they are being over-controlled.
There are many ways we could learn about society from sensitive people.
In a classroom of 20 students, for example, there will always be one or two who feel the pain of the teacher's remarks more than the other students. We have a choice on how to handle this pain. We can tell the student that she is too sensitive and needs to get on with things, or we can listen to her and see what the teacher is saying which is causing her pain.
If a child tells us the teacher frightens her, then we can learn from listening to her. Or we can tell her there is no reason to be afraid.
If a boy says he is bored, we can listen to him and try to make the classroom more intellectually challenging. Or we can tell him to stop complaining.
If an adolescent tells us she feels judged by the comments we make about her choice of clothing, we can listen to her and try to be more accepting and less judgmental. Or we can tell her she takes things too personally.
If an adolescent tells us she feels unloved by her parents, we can ask her to explain why and learn from her. Or we can tell her that we are sure her parents do love her, that they mean well and that she should appreciate all the good things they do for her.
In many countries we have an abundance of material things. Our physical needs are well accounted for. But our emotional needs are not. Many of us have unmet emotional needs. But for the most part we are simply unaware of them unless we become severely depressed. Even then we often turn to medication rather than to addressing the shortcomings in society.
By listening to those who are in intense emotional pain, rather than telling them they have a disorder, such as the all-too-popular "Borderline Personality Disorder," we can see what changes are needed in the homes, the schools, and the workplaces.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
