3 Hour Tour

I toured my informant's room tonight with the other informant present. Unlike Gilligan's Island 3 hour tour this one was less light hearted and lacked comedy. After spending 3 hours talking with my informants tonight, I am exhausted. It began with and ended with heavy and serious conversation. The girls were very open and I noticed them watching my reactions. It was as if my facial expressions were a gauge for how much the girls would feel comfortable sharing with me in future conversations. I focused on not showing judgment with my expressions and rather just showing understanding, interest, and compassion. One of the girls spoke about a girl she knew who was struggling with certain issues. I knew that the other girl in our midst also struggled with just the same problem. For this reason, when the matter was brought up I was careful to remain very cool and not react at all. I noticed that the girl in our midst, who struggles with the same issue, looked over at me to see what my response would be. I was careful because I knew that by watching my response she was likely deciding whether she would ever share with me her own personal struggle.

I chose to record my informants and it seems to be a great way to have them converse very naturally. Taking notes would seem to serve as a constant reminder that our conversation is for research. While recording them however, it seems that they were quick to forget about the project and just talk and share very naturally.

I can not help but to have a heart for these girls. They have a lot to say and they are fighting against hard times.

When All Is Said and Done

I having been thinking a lot about being sure that I have the time I need to really connect with my teenage informants. I take the commitment serious that I know I will need to make to these kids even after the semester is finished. I know the lonely feelings I felt at that age. I often felt brushed off and ignored by adults. For these reasons and others, I do not want to engage in a real and personal relationship with the teens and then walk away when the research is over and leave them feeling abandoned and disregarded. I know the end of the semester is still months away and yet I still find myself thinking about it a lot.

Recording Information

I am planning to record the time I spend with my informant with an audio voice recorder. I feel that it would be too distracting for me to be writing on paper and taking notes while speaking with my informant. I believe that it will seem too formal and unnatural. I don’t want my informant to be constantly reminded that I am documenting all of their words, because I don’t want them to change their behavior. Instead I am hoping that it will be easier for one to ignore a recording device and feel comfortable, therefore behaving more naturally.

Seize the Opportunity

I missed Tuesday’s class last week because I was in Ohio for my aunt’s funeral. My aunt unexpectedly passed away on my birthday and this last week and come that next morning I found myself packing for a trip out to Ohio. As I traveled there I carried with me my own recent experiences of losing my nan, my mom, and the man I was in love with all in a matter of six months. My new perspective of pain and loss was valuable in aiding me to be there for those relatives that where hurting and experiencing loss for the first time. While my cousin’s struggled with the loss of their mom, their children discovered loss for the first time also while saying good-bye to their Mimi. While the younger grandchildren were not shy to cling to my side and hang from my leg, the teenagers were a little more timid. It was the three teenage grandchildren that I had to move towards and make attempts to connect with if any connection was going to be made. I am aware that these three teenage boys have all had a rough upbringing and two of them were even homeless and raised in a car when they were very young. They have experienced great hurt, and now I could see them hurting over the death of their Mimi.
I saw one particular teen boy gravitate towards me and reached back to meet him in his place of need and pain. I was the stranger, the cousin he didn’t even really remember because he lived with his father and I hadn’t seen him since he was very young. I was also strange and unfamiliar to him in other ways. I offered words of encouragement and compassion instead of the criticism that he is familiar with. I offered hugs and soft words instead of the raised aggravated voice of disapproval that most teens are use to hearing. This boy responded to it love and craved this positive attention. The morning I was leaving to go back to NJ, he was also leaving to go back to his dad’s house in the ghetto. He didn’t have to come right out and say it but his eyes and body language revealed his sadness to leave the safe place he had found in me over the weekend. He was saying goodbye to the one person that frequently asked how he was feeling and listened, while offering concern and encouragement. He is an amazingly sweet kid given all the odds that have worked against him. He was raised in a car while he was very young and has endured many difficulties since then. He is continually exposed to more then most other 14 boys that I know and many of them are still angry and rebellious, yet his heart remains soft and open for correction and love.